Many many years ago, Ben and I were going through a particularly rough time. If I recall correctly, we had a flat tire, one of our small children was sick, and somehow the drain in our basement backed up and flooded our washing machine and basement bathroom with sewage. At the time, it seemed like so much more than we could handle and jokingly Ben said, “well at least we don’t have boils”. Fast forward nearly twenty years, and we are still learning lessons from the book of Job and how to live in a pressure cooker.
The past two weeks have been exhausting, humbling, and so full of miracles and small reminders that we are loved by friends, family, and our Heavenly Father. Words seem woefully inadequate for the amount of gratitude we have in our hearts for the many, many blessings we have received. Food, messages, visits, financial support, small gifts and tokens, and more food. We just can’t express thank you enough for all that you have done to make this burden a bit lighter. We love you!
As you are likely aware, the big guy is still here. On one hand we are incredibly grateful and on the other we pray for his suffering to end. It is a bit surreal to surrender to this part of the experience and trust in God’s plan and timing. His breathing is between 1 and 6 breaths per minute (usually around 2) which continues to amaze and astound me and his medical team. Someone commented that all of his wonderful singing has made him efficient at breathing. It is still insufficient to sustain him long-term so for now we are just grateful for the moments we get to continue to spend with him. He is also currently being treated for an ear infection that spread to his jaw and has caused a great amount of discomfort. Time will tell if that will be effective. Our First Choice hospice family is amazing, and we feel well supported and cared for. Please continue to pray that Ben will be at peace and comfortable at the end of his life.
We continue to try and live life the best we can — working, going to school, and participating in a variety of activities for the kids. Finding balance between living with our grief and desperately trying to not let it suck us under. The kids are champions, and their resilience is an inspiration to me. Each day brings new challenges and obstacles and emotions. I have found I am hyper vigilant for the “next” shoe to drop.
Last weekend, Brielle and I made a mad dash to Utah for her cheer competition, and they placed 1st in their division. (YAY!) We had to rush right back because of Ben’s needs and Bridger had been running a fever for three days. On our way back, in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere in Utah, we hit a deer and totaled my car. We were able to walk away without a scratch, but the deer and my car weren’t nearly as lucky. My mom and stepdad rescued us from Snowville and we made it home early Sunday. As soon as I walked in the door, I took one look at Bridger and knew he needed medical attention – four days of fevers had taken its toll! Turns out he had Influenza A. While there wasn’t much they could do for him, we are looking forward to turning the corner and being fever free for the first time since Thursday night.
Long story short, we are trying to apply so many lessons from the book of Job while we live in the pressure cooker of life. It’s hard. Sometimes it is ugly. It is full of tears and difficult conversations and love and grace. It is full of good friends who lift us up, family who rescues us from despair on the side of the road, and amazing meals, messages, and service. We are grateful. And we are humbled that we continue to need your help and support. Someday, I promise we will pay it forward to another family who finds themselves learning the lessons of Job in their own pressure cooker.
Much love,
Bridget (and Ben and the B Team)
NOTE: The Meal Train has been updated and extended. Here is the link: https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/2ek2nq
Welcome to Grin & Barrus 